June 1, 2003

Kiss me.
Kiss me like you used to...
Driving down the road today
I burst into sobs
I was thinking about my loneliness
It's been two years since I was kissed
(No, not two years
There was that night last September.)
And a scenario played itself out in my head
I asked you for a favor
A bit of meaninglessness
Steeping into youe space and looking into your eyes
I said
Kiss me
Kiss me like you used to
It's been two years
And I need this like I need air
Like I need water
I lean in, standing on tiptoe
My mouth a breath away from yours
I can see the surprise in your eyes
And then a rush of pain
I say, in this space next to your lips,
I don't want to be your lover
Or your girlfriend
Or your wife
It's just been so long
And I ache
I ache inside
My voice, it shakes
My eyes, they tear
I hold my breath
In a gaspy weep

In my head
This daydream unplanned
You gathered me in your arms in one fast move
And kissed me
Your mouth so hungry and soft
Your hands tight around me, pulling me into you
I stroked your face
And in the truck
I burst into sobs

No matter how aching I am
No matter how I starve
I can't go down that road again
A kiss like that can't mean nothing
I wouldn't love it if it did
And my luck, it'd be all wrong
You would be gentle and hesitant
Or outright say no
Instead of movie credits and music
We'd stand humilated
Heavy with sorrow

How long can a person live
without
kisses?
How much of myself do I lose with each passing
Empty
Fantasy?

My heart breaks
A little
When couples embrace on tv
When I pass a beautiful face
And my imagination forms a scene
When I remember being in love
When I remember people I never see
Anymore

Every person I pass
I think to them
Kiss me
A tiny bit of me is lost
When they walk right by

Kiss me
Kiss me like you used to
Kiss me like you want to consume my sorrow
Drink my tears
Eat my voice
Make me forget my name
 

Copyright 2003 by Sarah Gaunt
Content